I Don't Want to Mess up My Kids!

When I ask my clients what their biggest fear is moving forward through separation and divorce, the most common thing I hear is “I don’t want to f$*& up my kids…”

What exactly does it mean to “not f$*& up your kids”?

How would you know if you hadn’t? 

How would you know that you had done a good job raising your kids?

What would their life as an adult look like for you to know that you had succeeded as a parent?

Close your eyes and really picture your kids as adults living independently from you…what would you want for them?

• Would you want them to live from pay check to pay check, always having just enough money to get by?
• Would you want them to settle for a job they they hated that paid the bills?
• Would you want them to be in a committed relationship that was comfortable, but didn't support them in reaching their career goals?
• Would you want them to live surrounded by superficial friendships?
• Would you want them to struggle with their emotional health always worrying about what others think, feeling like they're not good enough, and don't deserve to have big dreams, and certainly they aren't worthy of having those dreams come true?

Picture them living that life…where they work at a job they hate only to grab takeout on the way home and sit in front of the television flicking mindlessly through the channels until they fall asleep on the couch and eventually drag themselves to bed, only to wake up the next day and do it all over again.  Even the weekends don’t bring much relief because they’re spent with other people who need to drink and party just to escape the lives they’re living during the week.

I’m quite certain that’s not the life any of us would ever want for our children…

What if we pictured this instead...

What if we knew our kids were working in a career that they were passionate about which allowed them to make a great income and feel like they were making a difference? 

What if they were coming home at the end of the day feeling proud of the things they had accomplished that day with plenty of energy left to make themselves a healthy delicious supper with their partner while they shared the best parts of their day with each other?

What if they were going to bed early enough to get in a morning workout and still be fully rested and excited about accomplishing all the things they had planned working towards the big goals they had set for themselves?

What if their weekends were spent filling themselves up with a balance of creating memories with close friends and family, and some quiet time to themselves?

What if they travelled from time to time to learn about some of the other amazing places in the world and experience different cultures?

Isn’t that what we would want for our children if it was up to us and we had a magic wand to make it happen?

Why is it okay to want that for your children but not for yourself?

Why does it feel selfish to spend the time and energy on creating this life for yourself?

What if I told you that the best chance you had for creating this extraordinary life for your children is to create it for yourself? 

Would it still feel selfish?

Children learn by example. Our role as parents is to show them how life is intended to be lived. To show them what it means to be happy, healthy and whole.

If we live a mediocre life, we’re setting the bar at mediocre for our children. As adults our children will say “Who am I to have a better life than my parents?”  They will feel guilty for ever wanting an extraordinary life. 

I know this for a fact, because as an adult child of parents who chose to settle for a mediocre life, these are beliefs I  struggled with for many years.   

Maybe you struggle with these beliefs too. 

Let’s spare our children from that burden.

I’ve come to understand that our responsibility as parents is to create an extraordinary life for ourselves in order to show our children exactly what is possible for them.

Creating an extraordinary life for myself isn't selfish - it's my job as a parent.

So how do you go about creating an extraordinary life for yourself?  And more specifically, how do you do that on the heels of separation and divorce?  How do you even begin to think of extraordinary when most days you feel like you’re barely making it through?  When you feel like your whole life just blew up and even mediocre would be better than this?

That’s EXACTLY where I come in! 

I’ve been where you are and I am delighted to report that I have absolutely succeeded in creating an extraordinary life for myself.  It’s been quite the journey over the last several years and most of the time it feels like one step forward and two steps back, but I wouldn’t change a thing! 

My mission is to share all of my learnings with you to help you take your life from “barely surviving” to “extraordinary” too!

I know it seems like an impossible journey, but I know the way and I’ve got a map!  Let’s go!! xo

Let's connect to explore how working with me as your Coach will allow you to navigate every stage of divorce with intention. Book Your Discovery Call here.